Christmas Spirit

As I listen to people gripe about buying Christmas presents for their family and friends, a thought struck me. Why are so many people angry and stressing over this holiday? When did Christmas become about materialism? In my opinion we’ve lost the true holiday spirit. The joy of being in good company, and sharing laughs with loved ones. A present shouldn’t be about obligation, rather it should be about altruism. Selflessly dedicating your precious time to make someone special happy. A lot of people are worried about money. Everyone has prices on their minds trying to allot how much to spend on each person. Money shouldn’t be the main concern. When you’re giving someone a gift, it should be something heart felt and meaningfull. Not a gift that will last for just a year and hold no meaning 20 years later. Give a gift that your family and friends will treasure in their memory for years to come. It could be as simple as buying a board game to bring people together to enjoy. Just think about it.

Pain

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel pain? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

Strange Dream

Truly original, these cute and creepy quietly contemplative black and white illustrations were created by Japanese artist Kazuki Takamatsu. Each piece is a frozen moment in a strange dream.

Sigmund Freud called dreams the "royal road to the unconscious". He believes that nothing you do occurs by chance; every action and thought is motivated by your unconscious at some level. In order to live in a civilized society, you have a tendency to hold back urges and repress impulses. However, these urges and impulses must be released in some way; they have a way of coming to the surface in disguised forms. One way these urges and impulses are released is through dreams. Lately I've been having odd dreams. I've always wondered if I'm suppressing my subconscious desires. Then I realize that what matters most is the actions I take while conscious. I have control over my conduct. My dreams may be my desires unhindered by morals but it is beneath my dignity to partake in floozy behavior.

its a date

meet me at the top of the world (:

Love Within Myself

I feel as though I haven't loved myself enough these past few days, weeks, months, years... I've disrespected myself numerous times. I question my self worth all the time. My heart for the past couple of years has beat for others. Now that I'm taking time to myself my heart is beating an unfamiliar rhythm. It's completely my own and I feel like I'm finally living. I haven't given myself the attention I deserve. When have I really asked myself "What do I want?" "Will this make me happy?". It's definitely time to correct the wrong I've done.

Words of Wisdom

A life lived without purpose or value, the kind in which one doesn't know the reason why one was born, is joyless and lackluster. To just live, eat and die without any real sense of purpose surely represents a life pervaded by animality. On the other hand, to do, create or contribute something that benefits others, society and ourselves and to dedicate ourselves as long as we live to that challenge-that is a life of true satisfaction, a life of value. It is a humanistic and lofty way to live. - Daisuke Ikeda

...in love

"...in love" by Oprisco

Oprisco is a Ukrainian photographer and artist who takes us on a heart-wrenching journey of love. With each picture he tells a story; he starts off with longing and lust, then carries us through love and, finally, gently drops us off at break-up and loss. Through it all he reminds us that love is one of those experiences that we all go through in life and that, as cliche as it sounds, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. This is one of my favorite pictures out of his entire collection. In the arms of someone you love everyone else seems to blur and pass you by. Oprisco perfecty captures that feeling vividly. If I were to guess the thought going through this couple's mind it would be, "you're all I need". I genuinely feel touched by this photo.

Big Teddy

Teddy Bear Love

I admit the little girl in me wants a big big BIG teddy bear just like this. Ridiculously adorable. Nothing would make me happier than to curl up with a huge teddy bear when I'm feeling stressed and lonely. Surrounded with soft fur and balls of cotton I could fall asleep every night with a big ol grin on my face. C:

Simple Things

I'm not looking for cookie cutter perfection. I'm searching for something beautifully evocative and genuine. People glance over the seemingly minor moments that pass you by, like the scenes of the outside world flashed outside the car window, it's those minute seconds of something wonderful that I keep in my heart. I'm a relatively simple girl. I'm made happy easy. A text message in the morning is enough to jump start my day with a smile. A text message at night sends me off to bed in a blissful state of happiness. It doesn't cost a dime to send and an indefinitely short amount of time to type. Simple and sweet. I love the random text messages, the "im thinking of you" messages, that make me burst into song and dance. Every kiss on the cheek or forehead gives me butterflies. My toes curl in and my knees buckle. I'm unable to stand and I can't think and nothing else seems to matter. Nothing but the feel of his lips on my face. I treasure every romantic moment and place it in a memory box to take out and examine as I lay in bed. I'm awashed with every feeling and sensation I felt at that given point in time. In psychology I learned about the self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think positively with optimism your actions might act in ways that will make this prediction true. I've been trying against my nature to view my glass as half-full. Every night I sleep with the hope that tomorrow I'll wake up to a happier day with hopefully a text message awaiting me. I could spend a quiet afternoon content resting my head on his lap. With my eyes closed tight against the world and the warm flesh of skin and muscle beneathe my cheek, I feel secure in his presence. He's right there and all my fears disappear, dissipate into the open air. I'm happy. Every laugh that we share together tickles my foolish heart. I want to laugh everyday with him. I'm made happy by simply being loved. The song that I dedicate to this blog is The Way You Look Tonight by Frank Sinatra. I adore the cover by Michael Buble.

Zena Holloway

Zena Holloway is an underwater photographer whose work is mesmerizing and breathtaking. There is a magical quality to her photos that can only be found in the water. Land photographs appear dull and dreary in comparison. She's an amazing artist capturing an imaginative world under the sea. She perfectly combines grace and intrigue in a delicate yet detailed manner. What is most remarkable is that Zena is self-taught. It is my belief that talent cannot be hindered by convention and instruction. True talent and originality shines through the cloud of commercialism. Zena Holloway only reinforces my view. Zena's work speaks for itself. As you admire the picture above you're transported into a mythical inner space.

Real Love

"A meeting between two beings who complete one another, who are made for each other, borders already, in my opinion, on a miracle." -Adolf Hitler

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. I'm amazed by the sheer power of love. How love can mold and define who we are. I'm a selfish lover. I want him to look at him, talk to me, love me. Only.

tbc when I can get all my thoughts together

Jealousy rears it's ugly head

I've been spoiled in the past. I have experienced the joy of complete trust and security. To talk about our feelings on a daily basis so that there is no confusion, and to be treated like the only girl in his whole world that mattered.

Now I must deal with my greatest flaw. A defect that shatters my otherwise laid-back personality. It is a character flaw that will ultimately lead to my downfall if left unchecked and uncontrolled. A flaw most girls are subject to. You know what I'm talking about, jealousy. I perceive jealousy as being emotionally immature. I know that my jealousy is unjustified and petty. My imagination works overtime to create stories of infidelity and violations of trust. People have always said to me, "trust him until he gives you a reason not too". It's a phrase I've constantly battled with. This distrust and suspicion stems from my childhood. My parents' marital troubles have made me anxious and fearful of my own future love life. But having witnessed the consequences of their actions I vowed not to permit myself to follow in their footsteps. I will not allow the repercussions of my parent's failed marriage to effect my happiness. I'll try my hardest to love my boyfriend to the best of my ability and beyond. His happiness, our happiness, is important to me.

LOST: Have you seen him?

I've seem to have lost sight of him.
the perfect gentleman
a captain save-a-me
swooping down
flashing his brilliant cape
ridding my world of troubles and contrition

Through all the heartaches and pains
the perpetual roller coasters of ups and downs
I've wanted to lock my heart into a safe and throw away the key
Tie my heart to a rock and let it sink to the bottom
To be found by one brave soul
like treasure that has long since been buried
never seeing the light of day or love.

But through all the bitter ends and tribulations
I've come to realize, an epiphany, of what matters most.
Every breakup is a learning experience.

I have learned that the only person i can trust
is the person who is writing this blog entry.
I can only rely on myself to walk home.
there is no shoulder to lean on when I stumble
when I fall the only helping hand is my own

pushing my body off the ground
I stand up on my own legs,
the strongest foundation is my own two feet
I've paved the way forward
because life always goes on.
I've learned that nobody is going to hand me love on a silver platter
I dont need you to love me.
Because I love myself and thats the only person that really matters.

Show me a genuine honest gentleman
and ill show you an open mind and an open heart

Audrey Kawasaki

Audrey Kawasaki is one of my favorite artists recently. Her paintings are breathtaking. It is my wish to someday own an original piece to adorn my wall. Audrey's subjects are women with doll-like faces, a tiny nose with small pink lips and bedroom eyes. As I gaze into the faces of the women she paints into wood panels there is something eerily ethereal about them with an air of melancholy. The texture of the natural wood grain gives it a calming effect. Her work are contradictions, innocent yet seductive. The women depicted in her work are captivating, pulling you into an enigmatic world. I can't help but wonder what's behind those sad brown eyes? Wondering if she is depicting the reflection of my own.

Hopeless Romantic

"I hear you whispering songs to yourself, softly forming the words that make me melt" - Quiet Comforts an original song by worldismarble. Check out her song and her channel on youtube.

From what I can perceive about love, it isn't ironclad, its constantly changing and evolving, yet not limited to any shape or form. It starts with just a glimpse, and my palpitating heart beats madly in correlation to the growing affection. To the point where my love is palpable. Radiating warmth to be felt by my beloved. In the beginning my feelings are in a state of frenzy, the butterflies that travel from the core of my stomach to my fingertips spreading to every inch of my skin. It feels as though all of the cells in my body are doing cartwheels, overjoyed to have found the man who makes my heart swell. Then in due time it settles to a blissful content state, swirling with the joint fusion of his and mine, to create ours, a single entity.

If I ever feel better

When I started this blog, I initially wanted to stray away from negative thoughts that were clouding my xanga. This blog was meant to house my uplifting, eclectic thoughts, hopes and dreams. But I seem to be on a perpetual roller coaster of ups and downs. My mood swings from one end of the spectrum to the other. My emotions are comparative to a pendulum, swinging back and forth influenced by everything around me. To know me, to understand me, is to take the good and the bad. I created this facade in my mind, to fool myself into believing that if I put up this happy front I could conceal the dark haunting thoughts that blurred my eyes, mind and soul. In retrospect I realized that eventually my blogs always lead to a more personal route. A path heading into an unknown direction whisked by the winds of my choices. I embrace myself in open arms, comforting my bleeding heart for the decisions I have made of late. For they have been quick, foolhardy, and misguided. But I vow to change to be a better person. Like a butterfly hatching from a cocoon, so must a beautiful person hatch from my cold hard outer covering. I reiterate as I have said in countless blogs before that I'm making a fresh start. I want to tap into the full potential of this blog. It will serve as witness to the journey my soul has made, to the soothing of my troubling mind, to the birth of a heart anew, and the transformation of a socially inept, shy and influenced girl. I entitled this entry "If I Ever Feel Better", based on the song by Phoenix.

There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better

Growing Pains

Doing the dishes is when I do my best thinking haha

I was on the phone today with a dear friend, discussing my love life. (or lack thereof! otherwise I don't think I'd spend quite so many hours into the night talking to him. Not that I don't enjoy our conversations because I do! I treasure them : ) right here in my heart <3> (are you reading this? haha) friend he is said "kim, what's wrong with what you just said? you don't need to change who you are." I realized as I was doing the dishes, that magically piled up when I wasn't looking, that I didn't explain what I was really trying to convey. In my mind I worked out exactly what I meant while scrubbing food off a pan. Multi-tasking at its best!

I don't want to change who I am. I have a good set of morals and values. I would no sooner change my personality than live in a cardboard box. When I said "change" I meant growth, development, and progress. As people we all grow into who we are over time. We learn from our experiences, make new discoveries, find out which cuts and fabrics fit our body type best. I'm not changing who I am, just adding a few tricks up my sleeves. As a person there are a lot of areas that I need to develop. Everyone has flaws, I just somehow accumulated all of them. Over time I realized I should come with a warning. Right smack dab on my forehead in neon colors: HIGH-MAINTANENCE BITCH. I'm lazy, whiny, never like to get my hands dirty, hold a grudge for all eternity, I always know who to point the finger at, clingy, emotional wreck, overly jealous, and to top it all off a large heaping of neurosis

BUT those are the things about myself that I'm trying to overcome. Before I can even entertain the thought of being in a relationship I first need to go through some (a lot) obstacles. As for the tricks that I'm going to pull out of my hat, I want to learn to cook, pick up the flute again, get dance lessons, fencing, tennis, draw, learn how to give a massage, become witty, artsy, independent, fashionable, to overall become an all around girl : )

chuc mung nam moi!

Happy Lunar New Years!!!!


2009 is the year of the Ox. It's going to be a good year. I can sense it. No bull!! haha

This year I'm really going to step up. Improve my leadership skills.
Being the Marketing Co-Director for my VSA Culture Night
will be a great experience for me :0)
It's an on going process.. but for now

time to eat, drink and gamble teehee celebrate the new year

I'm never too old for some li xi!

Cowboy Bebop! カウボーイビバップ

I admit I'm as much an anime nerd as I am a girl. And I'm 100% woman ;) I've spent my late nights as a child in front of the TV screen watching Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Where I was exposed to countless anime including one of my all time favorites Cowboy Bebop. I've recently discovered through endlessly perusing the internet that 20th Century Fox is going to produce a live-action movie of Cowboy Bebop. What's with turning great anime into American bigscreen movies? Like Speedracer and Dragonball. In case you haven't heard of Cowboy Bebop, the anime follows the adventures of bounty hunters on a spaceship named Bebop. On board the Bepop are Spike Spiegel, Jet Black, Faye Valentine, Ein and Edward. Apart from the action scenes, humor and plot I enjoy the jazz and rock music played throughout the series. The anime is heavily influenced by western music. In my opinion Cowboy Bebop is one of the greatest animes ever created. Back to why I wanted to write this entry... According to an article in variety.com Keanu Reeves will play Spike Spiegal the bounty hunter. Keanu Reeves, the man who played Neo in the Matrix trilogy.

Hellooo Keanue! I honestly don't know whether or not Keanu can pull off Spike's cool demeanor. They do sort of look alike. I'll watch the trailer first before I judge. Always think optimistic! Half full not half empty. I'll be keeping up to date on the developments.

Up In Da Club

What better way to start off my new blog than to post a great video by Wong Fu Productions? Their new short series is called Up In Da Club. For all those fellas out there who wanna impress the ladies
: ) This is sure to make your tummy hurt from laughing. The best workout I've ever done hehe. But don't take my word for it. Check it out yourself! You won't be disappointed.



Isn't this banner enough to make you giggle?

Here is the link to the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfI-N1nmiLc
If you're a heterosexual male you wouldn't want to miss out on the cute accountant ;P